WINNER: NOBODY still blazing on the screen. Penny in his arms, the porch light full gold. And now OZZY turns — grinning, revealed, triumphant — to the room full of suitors who ate his food and chased his girl and trashed his home. He laughs. He's coming for Everybody.
THE HEART (the show lands on it)
OZZY — ...I took the long way, Penny. Ten years long. I'm sorry.
PENNY — ...you're home now, you idiot. That's the only thanks Nobody's ever gonna need.
OZZY (to the blazing porch light) — ...home. (to Telly) Thanks, little brother. You came for Nobody.
TELLY — Somebody had to.
FULL COMPANY, CURTAIN. The Master-of-the-House stomp blown up to a triumphant company finale — the pun resolved into an eviction and a blessing at once: "Everybody wanted somebody, nobody wanted everybody — but the one who took the long way home is the one who's master now — so raise a cup in Nobody's house — the shifty, homesick, uncatchable one — he hates a nobody like YOU… so thanks for comin' — now GET! OUT!" (beat) "…not you, Penny. You stay." Porch light blazing, Ozzy and Penny embracing, the whole world — heroes, brother, crew, and Poly himself, grudging and included — together on the stage.
OZZY — ...and that's a wrap. Thanks for comin'. Nobody sends his love.
He winks. Blackout. CURTAIN.